Self-help?

     
      According to “Self-Help: Shattering the Myths” article, found here, our culture is obsessed with self-help books, making it a “half-billion dollar industry”. However, our usual go-to’s when faced with dilemmas may actually be doing more harm than good. For example, simple self-help tactics such as venting anger, thinking yourself happy, visualizing goals and self-affirmation are too basic to treat real complications. The article calls these “distortions” and offers what we should do instead: watch a funny movie instead of venting anger, enlist help of others instead of thinking yourself happy, make action plan for goals instead of simply visualizing them and stand up for yourself rather than use self-affirmation.
       Venting anger has long been thought to qualm frustration, at the same time, it only makes sense that it doesn’t. How many of us feel calm after, say, punching a wall? Of course it makes us more anxious and further exacerbates the problem. Fabricating happiness to gain real happiness only sounds silly. We don’t need research to tell us that talking to loved ones and participating in activities we enjoy can lift our spirits. I was surprised that self-affirmation (telling yourself how good you are) is not beneficial to self-esteem. Instead, surrounding yourself with people that tell you how good you are is instrumental for higher self-esteem.
        Researchers suspect that “pillow punching, like other forms of vigorous exercise, might be helpful for stress management, but recent studies suggest that venting anger may be counterproductive”. In other words, don’t dump the cardio, but to combat anger, relaxation and laughter work best. The article also states that thinking positively has only a temporary effect on your mood, “if you're really under stress, putting yourself in a good mood by thinking positive thoughts becomes not only difficult -- in fact it backfires, and you get the opposite of what you want”. Instead, "talk to friends or relatives or clergy or a therapist, or anyone else who might be able to help you think about other things”. Next, instead of just daydreaming about your goals, "you should figure out what the steps to get there are, and then mentally rehearse them”. Finally, instead of pep-talking yourself to higher self-esteem, the article suggests to “stand up for yourself, surround yourself with people who think you're great, and tell you so”.
        Self-help books are great, I own many. There’s a drive in all of us to be better than we are. We do have to realize that they are just theories, and it’s not a one-size-fits-all advice. Recently I read “How to Overcome Self-Defeating Behaviors”, and realized in order to overcome my obstacles--I have to actually APPLY the self-help to my life. I know, silly me thought that there was no hard work involved. Changing behaviors requires a lot of patience and, most importantly, courage.